Emotional Ineptitude
by seh28
Summary: Annie attempts to have an important discussion with Jeff, he is characteristically evasive. She takes a bit of a break from the study group. Angst ensues.
1. Chapter 1

Annie stood upright propped against the door holding it open, she was somewhat aware of her unconscious decision to not go any further into the supply closet. Something about the two of them and closed in spaces didn't really bode well with her in her current frame of mind. But she had followed him for a reason and she wouldn't chicken out and not see it through. She refused.

Annie's eyes ran over his back briefly as she looked to see if he had found what Abed had sent him in search of. She watched his back, shoulders and arms as he sifted through different items on the shelves trying to locate some contraption that Abed swore was in the supply closet.

"What are you even looking for exactly?" Annie quipped suddenly, as her eyes continued to assess his inquires.

"I don't even know. Abed was uncharacteristically vague." Jeff responded, shuffling boxes and cleaning supplies out of the way as he kept looking for...something.

"Abed's never vague," Annie reasoned, letting the door behind her inch forward just barely on its hinges. She felt like maybe she should be helping him look but she wasn't even sure what they were supposed to be looking for. She also was weighing whether or not she should bring up what she had followed him into this godforsaken closet to say in the first place. Just the thought of it made her doubt herself and her heart rate quickened.

"Hence the usage of the word 'uncharacteristically'." Jeff replied smartly, not turning around. He had promptly snapped her out of her thoughts and her eyes left his form and gazed through the space between the door and down the long empty hallway of the building. She suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of courage and as if to test its validity, she stepped further into the closet, letting the door close gently behind her. She leaned against it easily and crossed her arms.

Jeff was still trying to locate this random object when, just as Annie's mouth opened to proclaim something of heavy significance, he turned around and looked directly at her, catching her off guard. His hands went up in a show of frustration.

"I don't know where the hell this thing is," He exclaimed. "Let's just go back and tell him to come get it himself. Knowing him it's probably behind a wall somewhere where we can't even get to it."

"I...uh.." Annie trailed off, her mouth agape and her eyes big enough to signify that something had thrown her off.

Jeff's eyebrows knitted together and his eyes narrowed slightly as he studied her.

"What?" He questioned.

Annie silently panicked as she recalled every single silly way that she had rehearsed saying this to him. For the last two days, since she had made the decision that this was what she was going to do, it had been all that her mind could focus on. But now, the doubt and unease she felt standing in front of him with the topic only breaths and syllables away from occupying the space in between them, she couldn't do it. She wanted to, but couldn't.

"Nothing," She breathed nonchalantly as she offered him a slight smile, her shoulder scrunching up and her hand flicking briefly as if to completely dismiss the notion and even the importance of what she had been so close to uttering. "You're right, we should just go, he can find...whatever it is later. We'll tell him we tried."

"We tried?" Jeff questioned, tilting his head a little as if he was pondering something. "I believe it's more like I tried. You astutely kept watch at the door like we were going to be fined for breaking and entering."

"I was unclear on what it was that we were even supposed to be looking for." Annie defended in a huff, folding her arms further across herself. "And I still don't know. But you don't either, might I add."

"You don't always have to know what you're looking for to find it," Jeff lamented. "Sometimes only when you see it is when you realize what it is."

"Classic Winger," She retorted. "Thank you for your insight."

Annie turned and reached for the door handle, she almost thought her mind was playing tricks on her when it wouldn't budge. She tried again, putting more force into her fist. Still nothing. She tried one more time, willing the knob to magically turn even though her mind had already gathered what this meant. But this couldn't be.

No, this was some sort of cruel, sick joke.

"Crap," Annie mumbled more to herself than to him. "We're locked in."

"What?" A look of disbelief quickly trickled onto Jeff's face. "That's impossible."

Jeff crossed the small closet in about two paces, his long legs facilitating his movement, he was beside her before she even realized he had moved. Annie's eyes flicked up briefly to his face, she quickly averted them and subconsciously took a small step back in an effort to put more space in between their bodies. She was momentarily thrown off because she hadn't expected him to infringe on her personal space so suddenly, though it was innocent enough given the circumstances, that didn't stop her awareness of his closeness.

Jeff rattled the door handle a few times before giving up. He sighed and slid his foot forward and lightly kicked the bottom of the door.

"Everything about this place is literally broken," he declared.

Annie stayed silent. She was focusing on trying to look anywhere but at any particular part of him, though his current proximity was proving to make that a difficult task. She could literally feel his body heat radiating off of him. She needed him to back up.

As if he read her mind, he glanced down at her briefly before taking those two steps back to where he had been previously standing.

"It's fine," Annie started after clearing her throat and taking a deep breath. "It'll be fine, Abed has an impressive attention span, he'll realize we're taking too long and come let us out."

"Who are you trying to convince?" Jeff asked absentmindedly as he fiddled with his phone, he held it at different angles obviously searching desperately for a signal. "We aren't going to wait for him to notice. Damnit, I have zero bars. Give me your phone."

Annie's eyebrows hovered closely over her widened eyes as she looked at his outstretched hand awaiting her phone. She briefly grimaced, squeezing her eyes shut.

"I don't have it," She admitted. "It's on the study table."

"What?" He questioned, almost as if he was astonished. "How do you not have your phone?"

"Oh, right. How dare I?" Annie retorted sarcastically. "How is it possible that I'm not married to my phone the way that you are to yours? Sorry I don't have it with me for every step that I take. Sorry my identity isn't attached to it. I apologize."

Jeff's face deadpanned as his mouth fixed in a line.

"Well, it's in times like these when they're rather useful," Jeff replied simply, drawing out the words slowly, as if to further illustrate the pertinence of his point. "When you're trapped and need to call for help."

"Assuming you have service, of course." Annie responded pointedly.

Jeff took a deep breath and chose not to respond. He looked around him momentarily and sat on the edge of some oversized crates that were piled on top of one another and stretched out his legs.

"You're right," Jeff began as he crossed his arms. "Abed will realize we're taking too long and come find us."

"Yeah," She agreed lightly as the thoughts in her head started to overtake her once again.

Was this some sort of cosmic trick? Some extravagant joke? Now she'd have to face her uncertainty about bringing it up. They were locked in a supply closet for goodness sakes. Maybe this was better? At least he couldn't leave if the conversation turned difficult. But what if she was the one who needed to leave? She couldn't. They were stuck. But they needed to have this conversation, like really have it. Not kind of, sort of have it. Or flirt with the idea of having it. They needed to really have it.

They were adults. They could totally have an adult conversation about their adult relationship. Or lack there of. Or whatever.

"What were you going to say earlier?" Jeff's voice broke Annie out of her winding thoughts. Her eyes met his at the question; he was studying her. Sometimes he was oddly observant for someone who was such a narcissist.

"Hm?" Annie questioned, though she knew exactly what he was referring to.

"Before I suggested we give up and go back, you were going to say something."

"I, uh... yeah." She began steadily trying to swallow her apprehension. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Shoot," Jeff replied through a frown, upturning his palms briefly. "It's not like we're going anywhere this very second."

"I'm going to take some time off from the study group." She said simply, trying to add as much steadiness and even indifference to her voice as she could muster.

"What?" He questioned, after a beat of silence. His eyes were muddled with confusion.

He thought that maybe he had misheard her. But his hearing, like most things associated with him, was impeccable. That made no sense. Why would Annie Edison, princess of all things academic and scholarly, quit the study group? Hell, she was one of the only ones who even studied half the time, with her abundance of gummy erasers and index cards in every shade of pastel that had ever been invented. Why would she want to quit?

"I'm taking some time..." Annie repeated, more forcefully than she had said it previously, when Jeff promptly interrupted her.

"No, I heard you," Jeff said, cutting her off. "I just don't understand."

"I just have some things going on that I need to deal with," She reasoned vaguely.

"Like what?" Jeff inquired, eyebrows furrowed.

"Just things."

"What kind of things?"

"Important things."

"How profound," He accused with a nod, his mouth drooping in a mock frown. "Look Annie, if you want to quit the study group to deal with imaginary 'things', I'd guess the group wouldn't take it very well."

"I'm not quitting, Jeff." Annie corrected curtly. "And the group will be okay. It's not like I won't see them. I'll still help Shirley with the boys on occasion, have movie nights with Troy and Abed, go shopping with Britta when she's reached her leather jacket quota."

"So these imaginary 'things' still allow you time for all of that?" Jeff wondered aloud, certain looks of confusion played on and off his face as if he was trying to gage what exactly was going on.

"They aren't imaginary!" Annie quipped sharply. "Stop saying that."

"Did Pierce do something that I don't know about?" He questioned slightly irritated, as if he figured out why she didn't want to be around them.

"No," She admitted, realizing that this conversation wasn't going at all like she had planned. In fact it seemed to be heading in a completely obscure direction. "For once Pierce's particular disposition is not in question. God, where is Abed?"

Jeff quietly watched her as he tried to figure out what was going on. He noticed the way she was absentmindedly fingering a lose piece of thread at the end of her blouse. The fidgety way that her feet kept subtly moving just barely underneath her every few seconds. The way she wouldn't maintain direct eye contact with him through the bout of silence that was settling between them. Then he finally figured out why. It hit him like a freight train, like the first burst of cold air when you step outside on a winter day, like the reemergence of a specific memory that you hadn't recalled for years and years and then suddenly, without even so much as a trigger, it appears.

"It's because of me," He stated simply, almost the way you would say something that held no significance, like 'It's on the kitchen counter' or 'Pass the salt'. "You're going to quit the study group because of me."

"Really Jeff," She exclaimed, her voice thick with irritation. "I'm not quitting! You aren't even listening to me!"

"I'm not listening?" Jeff accused, his voice raising. "You're the one talking in cryptic codes about having hypothetical 'things' to take care of so you're going to leave your friends high and dry. You suck at clarity."

"Okay fine!" Annie replied, literally putting her foot down with notable force, her eyes were burning with determination like she had everything to prove. "It's because of you. I need a break from the study group because of you."

Jeff suddenly realized what this whole thing was about and it made him wish desperately that they weren't locked in a supply closet together with no way to get out. This had all just taken a dangerous turn and if he didn't tread carefully, things could literally erupt and he wasn't prepared nor equipped to handle it, and she was even less so. He refrained from speaking while he racked his brain for what he should even say to grab hold of this conversation quickly before it spiraled completely out of control or in a direction he really couldn't afford to go in. Annie's eyes met his directly and the expectant look on her face let him know that she was waiting for his response to her revelation.

"You don't have anything to say?" Annie pressed after a few more moments of silence as their eye contact held.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to react after you tell me you're going to abandon us because of me," Jeff stated plainly and carefully. He was always one to think on his feet and have words and excuses for everything but this was starting to feel like a situation where he would quickly become a fish out of water.

Annie's face softened at his word usage. The word 'abandoned' resonated with her quickly and she almost completely changed the subject and started talking about him, until she figured he'd be even less inclined to that particular topic of conversation than the current one.

"I'm not abandoning anyone," Annie clarified lightly. "I just, need some time away to think."

"What is time away going to do? Your mental capacity seems in tip top shape lately."

"Don't make jokes," She responded. "Time away will help me gain perspective, it might even help me deal with my feelings for you."

"So what you're inferring is that how you feel about me is an out of sight, out of mind type of phenomenon?"

"Don't do that!" Annie accused, her voice raising an octave and his eyes left hers momentarily at her reaction. "Don't try to explain away my own feelings to my face, it's insulting."

"I don't want you to quit the group," Jeff admitted lightly as his eyes found hers again. "I don't want you to quit, take a break, whatever. I don't want that."

"I'm just confused and overwhelmed, Jeff." Annie replied honestly. "It's like so much time goes by and we're simply good friends and everything is normal and then all of a sudden, without warning, we share these moments and I can't... I can't marginalize them. Or excuse them. And your actions and words don't help me."

"I don't know what you mean," He maintained, trying to dig his way out of how intense the conversation was getting. With every passing second it was like he felt the instinct to cut it off and leave, then he realized he couldn't. It almost frightened him in a way.

"Stop," She proclaimed. "Can you just be honest? Can you just take accountability for your actions and how you feel?"

"I feel like I want to know where the hell Abed is right now." Jeff countered seriously.

"You are unbelievable," Annie accused, shaking her head. "And before you get ahead of yourself, that isn't a compliment."

Annie took a deep breath to try and regroup, she had to get her thoughts and words in order because she was faltering. She had coached herself with ways to keep her on track because she had known that having this conversation with him wasn't going to be easy and he would fight her the entire way. What she hadn't accounted for was a certain amount of frustration and anger that was creeping up. That was never a good sign because whenever she felt those things she'd start feeling out of control and completely lose it. She refused to go into a full blown tailspin while trying to have this conversation with him. She would try with all her might to hold onto her composure. She could totally be mature and in control. She wasn't going to act erratic and unstable; she could handle this.

"Sometimes I think I'm doing a really good job," Annie started after taking a deep breath. "It's like weeks go by and I'm not worrying or obsessing over things in my head but then all of a sudden, without warning you...you just look at me and I just can't when you look at me that way, Jeff."

"I can't help the way my face looks," Jeff countered in an amusing tone signifying he was joking. "I cannot help the looks that appear on my face."

If Annie hadn't been a hundred percent focused and fighting off nervousness and irritation she might have actually smiled. Leave it up to Jeff Winger to make a joke at a completely inopportune time.

"Okay fine," She played along sweetly. "What about the words that come out of your mouth? Are you responsible for those?"

"On occasion," Jeff responded, he thought if maybe he joked his way through this, the wreckage wouldn't be as extensive.

"It's called chemistry, Annie! I have it with everyone." Annie proclaimed with great accuracy, recalling his blatant denial in front of the group some time ago.

"Oh come on, Annie," Jeff exclaimed. "I think we're past that."

"Do you? That's funny, something we agree on because I think we're way past that as well." Annie surmised, crossing her arms.

Jeff shifted on the crate and propped his arm against the railing of the shelves beside him, as he uncrossed and recrossed his legs at the ankles, his height seemed magnified even though he was seated. Annie noticed his movements and even in their subtly they made her lose her train of thought. How was it that this one man was so disarming to her at the mere drop of a hat? She almost found it ridiculous and absurd. She was a 20 year old grown woman. She wasn't 16. She'd had crushes before. But to even liken whatever this thing was with Jeff to a crush was underselling it tremendously. So many things about him affected her in a really deeply, unexpected way. Even after all this time she couldn't really pinpoint it. And it was so much more than his stupid face and his stupid charm and his stupid body. It was just him.  
>"What about, 'I wish I could give you an answer that makes sense but relationships are complicated'?" Annie posed, trying to break free of her all-consuming thoughts once again.<p>

"They are very complicated," He responded. "Clearly."

"Well your answer or your reasoning doesn't have to make sense, but I'd still like to hear it."

"Well, I'd like to hear how many sentences I've said that you can repeat verbatim." Jeff countered, still trying to avoid saying or admitting too much. Trying to buy Abed more time. He felt like he had been trapped in there for an hour. He could only rely heavily on amusement and sarcasm for so long before he'd have to either start shutting down or worse, actually cop to some of his own bull shit. That thought alone was enough for him to silently will Abed, or anyone really, to come let them out of this damn supply closet.

"Okay, how about this one?" Annie began steadily taking a step towards him, bringing her hands up to further illustrate the importance of what was coming next. "'When you feel the way I feel about you."

Jeff's jaw noticeably tightened as he stared at her. When he had made that admission to her during the UN debacle he had a feeling it would probably come back to bite him. He had been much more forthcoming in the moment than he had intended but sometimes that happens, stuff is said and you can't take it back.

"I'm pretty sure that statement speaks for itself." Jeff countered.

"No, it really doesn't. You said that because of the way you feel about me you placate me and treat me like a child but that you couldn't do that forever. You never came out and admitted how you actually felt."

"And you said you liked how close we are and now you're trying to get away from me." Jeff accused, more tension in his voice than he would have liked to express.

"That's only because I don't know what the hell is going on!" Annie protested, her anxiety was starting to rise. The conversation was again going off track and she wasn't getting the responses or indications that she had hoped she would manage to gain. "You'd think by now it would have gone away or died down at least. But it hasn't."

"I don't know what you want me to say," Jeff replied wearily. Her frustration and aggravation was evident and it was triggering his own. He truly felt bad that she was so obviously broken up and at odds about this entire thing. He felt even worse that it was causing her to want to take a break from the group.  
>"Say something honest!" Annie pleaded, her raised voice quivering just barely as her arms made erratic motions. The battle she was fighting to keep her composure, she was losing quickly. Whatever semblance of control she might have had was disappearing quickly. "Don't joke or be sarcastic! Don't try to change the subject or divert around it! I don't want you to sell me some stupid song and dance! I don't want some grand speech. I just want the truth!"<p>

"Come here," He urged softly. Before he even realized what he was doing, Jeff leaned forward and grasped her arm, pulling her closer to him as he leaned back. Annie's eyes widened in surprise briefly as her breath hitched in her throat, partly from the overwhelming emotions she was feeling and partly because she was now much too close to him, and at eye level. She dropped her head to avoid his gaze and concentrated on her breathing. All she could then focus on was the feeling of his hand griping her arm, the gentle pressure that it was generating was almost enough to make her knees tremble. Her deep breaths were only guiding his glorious scent into her nose, her brain firing off signals at the familiarity of it. She didn't understand how he always smelled so good. And it wasn't like it was just his cologne or his aftershave, it was him. It was his skin. She wanted to drink in that smell.

"Annie, look at me," Jeff began lightly. "Look at me."

Annie did as she was told but felt weaker still when their eyes met. From some unknown place within her, she gathered enough focus to not completely fall apart.

"Just relax," Jeff instructed gently, easing his fingers over her arm reassuringly, sending both warmth and chills cursing through her body simultaneously. "You're going to give yourself a panic attack, relax."

Annie willed herself to pull it together enough to stop her frustration from giving her physical reactions. She focused on the blueness of his eyes, feeling the need to rest her hand inside the crook of his arm to brace herself against him but something inside her, it seemed from some deep far away place, told her this was the opposite of what was supposed to be happening. She wasn't going to allow him to distract her with his sudden acute attention and physicality. She needed words, she needed affirmation. Annie slowly pulled her arm from his grasp, she noticed how he didn't let go immediately. She held his gaze though their closeness was still giving her internal undulations.

Jeff experienced a peculiar sensation in the pit of his stomach when she pulled her arm from his hold. Like she was retreating from him. As if she had already made up her mind about him and their situation and she couldn't be swayed. He felt a sense of vulnerability that he wasn't really accustomed to. He felt that if she did walk away and leave the study group, and him, for any period of time, he really had no way of stopping her, or changing her mind, or saying the right thing. It made him panic. As if whatever control or upper hand he felt that he unwittingly possessed in their relationship was evaporating. The last thing he wanted was for her to shut down on him. That thought alone was enough to force him to speak.

"I don't want to fight with you." Jeff reasoned gently, his eyes imploring her in an understated, indirect way. Like he was somehow unable to put all his cards on the table.

"I don't want to fight with you either," Annie admitted, her heartbeat, though still wildly irregular, had stopped threatening to jump out of her chest. "I just want to have a conversation you seem unwilling to have."

"Whatever you think you want to hear from me," Jeff acquiesced, everything felt foreign and unnerving in that moment. "I can assure you that you really don't."

"Do you always do this with people, or is it just me?" She wondered aloud, feeling the exponential need to put more space between them, but she didn't want to seem like she lacked strength just because of their proximity.

"Do what?" He questioned, his eyes scanned her face briefly. He felt an almost uncontrollable urge to reach out to her again, to encompass her and keep her right there. She seemed so strange and unattainable in that moment. She seemed unfamiliar to him. Like she was getting further and further away.

"Tell people how they think and feel?" Annie posed. "Just to distract them from you having to admit your own thoughts and feelings."

"Annie, don't do this." Jeff reasoned, he felt his fingers itching to reach for her again.

"I expect that the group won't be too thrilled when I announce my news," Annie began, taking a deep breath, breaking the magnetically charged eye contact that was exhausting her. She suddenly just wanted this whole day over, this conversation, this tumultuous back and forth, her feelings. She just wanted everything to be over. "I'd appreciate it if you would be supportive because we both know that'll make them more understanding."

Jeff stared at her almost dumbfounded, his brain was trying to access something to say but he was drawing blank after blank. Some of the things that were popping up in his head simply just couldn't be said. He just wouldn't allow it. So he did the only thing he felt he could do. The only thing left in his mind in that second, he went with.

Jeff grabbed her by the waist and pulled her against him, his lips capturing hers while muffling the gasp of surprise leaving her mouth. Her initial shock caused her hands to freeze beside her before giving way and wrapping around his neck, part of her wanted to slap him for doing this now, part of her just revelled in the feeling of his lips on hers. It had been so long. He moved his mouth against hers with a sense of desperation that neither was really prepared for. Annie instinctively responded to his prying lips, deepening the kiss. She felt both elated and angry all in the same moment and it was a maddening combination. But the way his arms were wrapped around her waist and the way his hands clung to her body made all of her prior resolve and strength and resistance melt like a puddle at his very feet. His tongue explored her mouth eagerly and she matched his pace with blinding accuracy. He kissed her with an intensity that turned her brain into mush, exploring her mouth so completely as if he was begging her to stay. Which he was in his own weird, twisted way.

A sound at the door snapped Annie out of her blatant Jeff induced stupor and she managed to push herself away from him and their entanglement just as the door was swinging open. There stood Abed, peering in curiously at them. Both Jeff and Annie were noticeably out of breath and though they were no longer touching it was as if bright laser beams were connecting them.

"Abed, thank God!" Annie proclaimed, trying her best to not appear as flustered and out of sorts as she assumed she looked.

"I have horrible timing," Abed revealed, matter of factly. "Should I come back? Maybe it'll be better if I come back? Maybe the timing will make sense."

"What?" Annie exclaimed, almost concerned that he was being serious. "NO. No, you saved us."

"What?" Abed looked at her curiously. "Did you think you were going to die in here?"

"I could have." Annie stated sincerely. She could still feel Jeff's hands, she could still taste him. She couldn't even look at him. But what was worse is that she knew he was starting at her. She felt that too.

"Abed did you do this on purpose?" Jeff asked calmly as he stood, straightening his shirt.

"Did I lock you guys in this supply closet on purpose? No. Can't say that I did. It would have taken much more than forethought to carry out. There were way too many variables that were left to chance for this to be planned. Like whether or not Annie would even follow you in here."

"So then where is whatever you sent me in here for?" Jeff asked as he walked towards the door, stopping curiously close to where Annie was standing. It didn't go unnoticed. But she still refused to look at him, instead she focused on Abed.  
>"Oh, it's not in here." Abed stated simply. "It was in the file cabinet in the study room, I forgot where I put it. "<p>

"You expect me to buy that?" Jeff questioned seriously.

"It's purely a case of forgetfulness," Abed reasoned simply. "Whether you buy it or not is up to you."

"Okay well, Abed." Annie interjected, walking towards Abed. "Thank you for coming to get us, let's get back to the group. I have something to tell everyone."

Jeff didn't move for a couple of seconds as he watched their retreating forms. He felt a strange sickness that froze him dead in his tracks. What was he even doing? Had he really expected that to work? That she would just change her mind completely because he had kissed her like that? Maybe once upon a time, she would have. But they both knew she wasn't the same girl. His selfishness choked him abruptly. Usually he regarded selfishness as a quality, not a liability but in that moment it just made him monumentally sad. Because she was going to go through with this regardless and he would have to be without her. But as much as it pained him to admit it, maybe it was best.

Annie was exhausted as she sat at the study table amongst the noise and chatter of the others and wondered if Jeff would even come back or if he would be cowardly and just leave. She saw him enter the room from her peripheral vision because she still refused to look at him. She had suspected that what she was about to say would be incredibly hard to get out, but after what had just happened between them in that closet, it was actually a hundred times worse. But she knew it was what she needed to do. She felt like her sanity was tied to it.

Jeff sat down and looked around at all of their faces. All six of them. Five of them were about to be confused and undoubtedly crushed, they were about to feel only one percent of what he was feeling in that very moment. He tried to meet her eyes a couple of times but gave up when he realized it was no use. She wasn't going to look at him.

"I wanna say something really quick," Annie began slowly.

"Listening," Troy proclaimed as he leaned back in his chair.

"I'm taking some time off from the study group." Annie replied evenly. Jeff heard a hint of the slightest bit of doubt in her tone. Or maybe he had just imagined it. Wished desperately for it.

Suddenly everybody was talking at once. Cutting each other off in a mix of questions, concerns, reasonings and rebuttals. Annie's eyes widened as she tried to get a word in edgewise. Her eyes reluctantly fixed on his and she silently implored him, against her better judgment, to step in.

"Guy, guys," Jeff spoke up. "Relax, it's only temporary. Right, Annie?"

"Yeah, of course," Annie proclaimed quickly looking away from him and meeting the eyes of the other's reassuringly one by one. "It's only temporary. I just have to deal with some stuff, that's all. No big deal."

Jeff stayed silent. He had contributed as much as he could mentally stand. While the rest of the group seemed satisfied with Annie's reasoning, at least for now, Abed sat curiously eyeing Annie and then Jeff but didn't say a word. 


	2. Chapter 2

Annie stared silently at the ceiling, casting literal pleas to her brain to just shut down. Total nothingness would be a welcomed state versus the ridiculous types of thoughts that were currently consuming her. It had been four days since the incident between her and Jeff in the locked supply closet. Four days since she had announced to the group that she needed some time away, that she was going through some things and she just needed to figure them out.

Troy and Britta were vaguely supportive and seemed fine with the brief conversations they had with her between classes. Shirley sweetly inquired more than Annie would have preferred but she realized that she was only doing it out of the kindness of her heart. Pierce complained about it endlessly, adding that he was going to quit as well because he couldn't bare to be stuck with all of those insufferable people without her, she was his favorite after all. Abed was his usual self, all quiet perception. Annie was truthfully surprised that she hadn't heard about some random outburst of speculation from him regarding the goings-on behind those supply closet doors before he had opened them. She couldn't worry about it though.

She was distracted by other thoughts and other worries.

She wasn't really sure how Jeff was taking her absence from the group because she wasn't speaking to him. She figured it would be easier than trying to fake basic pleasantries when she went back and forth between wanting to ring his neck to wanting to beg him to open up to her. It was too tough a position to be in.

So she just acted like he didn't exist. And he didn't push it. He didn't try to impose himself on her. He kept his distance when they were in class. He never directly addressed her. But she was almost certain that she felt his eyes on her on more than one occasion. Although, she couldn't bring herself to return his glance, not even for verification sake. It seemed completely counterproductive.

But then again, so was obsessively thinking about it while it was happening. Or even worse, still thinking about it now as she lay in her bed staring at the ceiling. At least that particular thought had eclipsed her constantly replaying the memory of their kiss in the supply closet.

She was almost positive she had recalled it more times than she was willing to admit, even to herself. She had gone through those moments between them with agonizing scrutiny. Almost to the point where she could feel his stubble against her face, the way the tips of his fingers pressed so deliciously into her waist as he held her against him, the way his mouth so completely devoured hers.

She hadn't been prepared for it. She honestly hadn't seen it coming. If she had, she wondered, would that have made it's effect on her less palpable? It was unlikely.

It had been incredibly different from the first time they had kissed. Well, second time, really. But she was probably the only person who was counting so the actual number was inconsequential. That kiss had been a little over a year ago and that detail alone made him kissing her in the supply closet all the more impacting. The kiss outside of the transfer dance had been unexpected and wildly thrilling but the kiss four days ago had been downright debilitating. Every time the memory of it revisited her, she thought about how lucky she was that Abed had come in when he had. There was no telling what would have happened, or how he could have persuaded her to change her mind without even uttering a word.

Which was essentially what was causing the feeling of monumental frustration and borderline heartache that she was trying to dispel. She had been as mature as she could manage during the conversation, though an evident meltdown had been eminent until he managed to calmed her down. Only to completely destroy whatever semblance of restored ease when he grabbed and kissed her.

All she had wanted was an honest interpretation of their relationship from him and he couldn't even try to give it to her. All she had asked for was the truth about his feelings but he couldn't cop to them. All she wanted was a conversation between them where they were the topic and certain things were sorted out. But he was unwilling to comply. So when she decided to go through with taking a break from the group to sort out her own feelings, he completely shifted the power back into his favor by kissing her.

Sometimes she knew him too well. It hasn't been just an impulsive move because he couldn't help himself. He knew what it would do to her. How it would effect her. He knew that it would make her question taking a break. He had completely denounced her wishes in favor of his own. His selfishness cut her. She didn't understand certain aspects of him and she so desperately wanted to stop trying because there was no clarity in sight. Jeff Winger was a number of things; he was a convoluted albatross. She wanted so terribly to stop trying to make sense of him, to make sense of them.

She knew she would eventually go back to the group. She could only hope fervently that she could manage to do so with a level head and a lessened connection with this man who she probably had no business wanting. But in that moment she felt so far from that girl she so desperately needed to be.

She needed more time.

Annie pulled the covers over her head and squeezed her eyes shut.

* * *

><p>Jeff hadn't been sleeping well for the past couple of days. He'd get to sleep only to wake up an hour or two later with an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. But it was never a bad dream that awoke him. As a matter of fact, when he opened his eyes his mind was always completely blank. No remnants of images from dreams that might have awoken him. Just nothingness. And always upon him turning over and trying to get back to sleep was the eternal ticking of his brain.<p>

Because what else are you going to do while trying to go back to sleep but think?

He thought about many different things. He thought about himself as a child, he thought about his mother. Which inevitably made him think about his father. What was it about a parental unit, no matter how available, present and loving one person was and how abusive, neglecting, and atrocious the other was, that made you think about the other instantaneously? He almost immediately blocked out thoughts of his parents and his mind trickled through other options. More mundane, insignificant thoughts.

He wasn't sure exactly how it happened but a couple minutes into his mental gymnastics, Annie's face popped into his head. He almost sighed at the unprovoked intrusion. She was the last thing he needed to be thinking about. Now or ever. But alas, her dainty, sweet face stayed at the forefront of his mind.

It bothered him on a really basic level that she had chosen to take a break from the group and named him, albeit privately of course, as the reason why. It's not that he could totally blame her. He could see how their completely undefined relationship would be taxing on her 20-year-old mindframe.

But what he didn't understand was himself, was his own actions. Why was it that he couldn't be the adult in the situation? How is it that he could publicly dissuade her one minute and then be making eyes at her the next. It was completely unfair and selfish. He was totally aware of that. But that didn't stop it from happening. Yes, he was vain to the hilt but it couldn't just be about the attention either. He got plenty of attention from plenty different women. But none of them were her. That reasoning alone was enough to jar him almost completely out of his bed.

He threw the covers off of him with more frustration than was necessary.

There was no way he could rationalize actually getting involved with Annie. She deserved so much more than the crap that he usually put women through. Like chasing their mutual friend for almost a year and then when said friend finally reciprocated intense feelings for him, he ran. And bumped into and proceeded to make out with Annie. Yeah, he was a real winner all around.

It wouldn't work. There was no way to justify their entanglement. She was young, and sweet and generous and so trusting of the good in people. The good in him was minimal, at best. Sure he'd gotten better over the past two and a half years but really, deep down, he was still the conniving, messed up, indifferent, self-involved person that he'd always been. Sure, his charm covered it up really well and he even had moments of genuine kindness but he didn't really think he was reformed in any way that truly mattered.

Not in any way that would protect this girl's poor heart if the two of them did get involved. No. What was he even thinking about? He couldn't really be considering it. No. There was no way.

It had only been four days of no Annie during study group and her lack of presence was felt abundantly. He wondered how long she planned on keeping this up. And it wasn't just about her not being in the study group (though a big part of it was, he caught himself glancing over at her empty chair next to Shirley more than twice), but it was the fact that she was intent on acting like he didn't even exist when they saw each other in the hall or when they were in class together. She was giving him the silent treatment and while such tactics wouldn't even phase him if someone else tried them, it really bothered and got under his skin that she was resorting to this.

And the fact that it bothered him to such a degree, bothered him.

He had been so ridiculously impulsive when he kissed her. He conjured up the recollection briefly and then promptly pushed it out of his mind. It had been the only thing he could think of to do when she was standing there so set in her ways about just leaving. She had been so set on taking this break to sort out her feelings. Why did they need sorting? They were not laundry. Why couldn't she just be like him and keep them buried and hidden deep down inside of herself? That way they would only surface arbitrarily in the form of glances that lasted too long or slight invasions of personal space.

Nothing too cataclysmic or overwhelming. Or so he thought, because apparently even those things start to register on a deeper level if they happen often enough.

Dealing with feelings was too messy, as far as he was concerned. People had to be held accountable and actions were taken into consideration. Words came back to bite you and you would inevitably end up hurting someone, or yourself. It was best to leave certain things unsaid. Especially when they had no business occurring in the first place.

All he knew was that this break thing had already lasted too long. She was his friend and he was hers. There was no reason why that couldn't continue. They would both just have to work harder at burying things deep inside. Which would keep Annie from wanting to have conversations that he was physically incapable of having and would keep him from accosting her with his mouth in locked supply closets.

Or something like that. Maybe.

Jeff did not sleep more than three hours that night.

* * *

><p>Eight entire days had gone by without so much as a word uttered in Jeff's direction by Annie. So to say that she was serious about this, seemed to be the understatement of the year. She was dead set on etching him out of her life. Whether it was temporarily or permanently wasn't the problem, as far as Jeff was concerned. The fact that it was happening at all was.<p>

Jeff watched her subtly through the blinds as she fingered through a book absentmindedly, her backpack slung haphazardly over one shoulder. That was an interesting irregular detail he noted. She always wore her backpack high up on her back, with both arms in completely. She'd often clutch the hanging straps in her hands by her sides.

This was the first time he'd even seen her in the study room in a little over a week, although it was empty because in was lunchtime for many. It was nice to see her there. In an element that she had once felt so comfortable in, so at home in. Yet she wasn't in that moment. She was completely alone. And seemed completely in her own head. Jeff would have bet good money that she wasn't even reading the words that were laid out on the pages of the book in her hand.

She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts, she didn't even hear him enter the study room until he lightly cleared his throat. Her startled reaction sprang throughout her body for a millisecond as she jumped a little, the textbook she held abruptly closed. Her eyes scanned him briefly before she looked down.

"Geez, you scared me..." Annie proclaimed, her accusatory tone seemed to add more offenses than merely startling her.

"Sorry," Jeff offered good-naturedly with a smile, he tried to catch her eyes but she wouldn't give in. "I thought that perhaps the sneak attack was my best option."

"Well I was just going..." Annie trailed off, looking around the study room. Their surroundings were silently rendering memories. There was a lot of history in that room. Maybe too much. "...I was just on my way out."

Annie assessed the amount of space between him, herself and the door. She'd have to walk directly past him to exit. Both he and the table were obstructing her pathway. Before he could get out a word of objection, she made a move to shuffle past him. Jeff seemed to completely anticipate her movement before she even had a chance to fully exhibit it. He made an abrupt step to the side bringing himself much closer to her. This move made his body a clear obstacle now, where it had only been a minor one at first. Annie's breath caught in her throat, as her movement halted immediately, she rocked back on her heels before taking a complete step back and putting more space between them. Her eyes flickered up to his face briefly, before focusing on something less evoking.

"Jeff..." Annie began, her voice came out like a wavering warning. "Please move out of my way."

"So I just get the full blown cold shoulder?" Jeff questioned, his voice was annoyingly even. No inflection. To her, he didn't even sound that hurt about it. "Really, Annie. I can't even get a 'hi', or anything?"

Annie bit the inside of her mouth, as her eyes focused on the spot above his left shoulder. She felt herself lightly wringing her hands and immediately stopped when she realized what she was doing. She couldn't allow him to frustrate and fluster her. She could do this. She needed to. In all reality she wasn't going to be able to completely ignore and avoid him forever. Annie cleared her throat and met his gaze directly, the look on her face a challenging one as she folded her arms curtly in front of her.

As if to say: I've got my guard up, I know all your tricks, tread carefully.

"Hi Jeff," Annie offered almost insincerely.

"Hi Annie," Jeff replied, the tone of his voice softened in an unmistakable way. Annie felt her stomach react accordingly and instantly tried with all her might to ignore it. Even the look on his face softened a tad, his mouth upturned and those adorable little crinkles started to form around his eyes. Annie forced herself to speak.

"How are you?" She managed to get out. She wasn't sure if that sounded like she was too interested, too concerned, as if she actually cared.

"Hmm, I've been better." He shrugged, studying her. She seemed really calm. He wondered if she actually was on the inside. Calm for her came with ebbs and flows, especially during situations she couldn't define or understand.

"Really, why is that?" Annie posed, her chin jutted out in a show of attitude. He hadn't missed its purpose.

"I've got this really good friend who's been completely ignoring me this past week," Jeff explained nonchalantly. "It's a real bummer."

"Hmm," Annie assessed, matching the tone in which the same sound came from him mouth moments earlier. "I'm sure you'll be over it in no time."

"Annie..." Jeff proclaimed. Half irritation, half hopeful plea.

"Are you sick?" Annie cut him off abruptly. Now that the initial shock of his physical presence had worn off she had actually allowed herself absorb him in his current state.

"What?" Jeff questioned confused. He halfway thought she was going to start taking cheap shots at his mental stability.

"Do you feel okay?" Annie posed the question a different way. She had no business even asking but her concern leapt from her chest through her throat before she could get a proper handle on it.

"Yeah, I feel fine." Jeff responded hesitantly, as if he was giving an answer to a trick question and wasn't sure if it was correct or not.

"Okay," Annie replied, she seemed satisfied enough with that answer. She shrugged briefly, as if to dismiss the entire inquiry. "You just don't look so good."

"Ah, I see. The old jab at the vanity." Jeff retorted after silently digesting what she had said.

"It actually wasn't a jab, as a matter of fact." Annie exclaimed defensively. "I was actually being sincere. But I can see how you might not have grasped that. What with your own inability to be sincere?"

There was the actual jab. What was odd about it was that it hurt him more than it should. More than he was prepared for. It made him think a second longer about how to even reply. He felt like he needed to apologize for every stupid thing he'd ever done or said to her.

But feeling and doing were not synonymous.

"I haven't been sleeping that well," He mumbled as a response to her earlier observation. He figured he must really look like hell in order for her to say anything at all. It was only lunchtime but that thought alone made him want to call it a day. If that had been her angle, his obsessive vanity, than she had definitely pushed a button. Well played.

Annie's eyes scanned him for a brief moment and when she realized she really didn't have anything to see in response to that nor should their conversation continue she thought about making a move to squeeze past him. As if reading her mind, Jeff put up his hands in a show of surrender.

"Wait," Jeff said, before she even attempted to move. "Can you just talk to me for a second?"

"I don't think so," Annie stated forcefully. "I don't have anything I want to say to you."

Jeff didn't have a verbal response for her but his facial expression caused her to continue on.

"You know what? I take that back," Annie replied, looking him directly in the eye. "I do have something I want to say to you. I've always realized you were a selfish person, and as you so eloquently pointed out to me some time ago, most of us are incredibly selfish. But how is it that you can be so selfish to try and manipulate me into staying in the study group by KISSING me? How does that even work? Please explain that to me."

Jeff stared at her as she took a breath, an intense, fiery look in her eyes.

"I know," He let out. Only to be railroaded with the raising sound of her voice once more. She was trying to keep it down but her frustration and built up resentment was starting to get the best of her.

"I mean, really? How does it work? I come to you like an adult, something that so many people have told me that I do not act like, to have a conversation. To just get everything out in the open. To actually deal with this. But you wouldn't even allow it to take place. Actually, I'm sorry. You did at first. You allowed me to stand there and have a conversation by myself while you made snide one-liners or sarcastic remarks as a deflection technique. You never contributed to the topic of conversation."

Jeff stood there listening. Taking in every word, not having a retort or a reason or a rationalization for his behavior. He just let her unload on him. Part of the reason was because she deserved to get it out and another part was because he was silently relishing the fact that she was even speaking to him at all. He had missed the sound of her voice.

"So not only could you not even give me an inch of meaningful conversation but you completely blindsided me by kissing me just to get me to shut up. So I would shut up and stay. So you could work me over just enough to where I would take what I was given, not ask any questions or demand clarification and still help you with your homework. It sucks for you that it didn't work, huh?"  
>"You're right," Jeff whispered once she had finished, he watched the way she was gently swaying on her feet. As if all the energy and emotions inside of her were threatening to spill out further. His back was facing the door and a good portion of the windows but he was fairly certain that a few people had probably stopped to watch them in the hall. "You are right. I shouldn't have kissed you. It was wrong of me. It was not the right thing to do and I am sorry."<p>

Annie hadn't known what she expected him to say after she completely confessed all that was on her mind to him with such intensity. She didn't know what his response was going to be. Or how she would react to it. But hearing him say those words, which sounded sincere and which she actually did appreciate in the grand scheme of things, she couldn't help but feel supremely horrendous. Her hands started to tremble and her eyesight got peculiarly blurry. It didn't even occur to her what was happening until she felt wetness on her cheeks and the look on Jeff's face had completely changed.

Before she even realized her body was moving she had brushed past him, only to feel the tug of her arm as his hand instinctively latched onto it and she turned around to face him. Half of her wanted to bury herself in his arms and just bawl her eyes out, the other half wanted to knee him in the crotch.

"Let go of me," Annie instructed, her voice a messy combination of emotions and tears mixed together. Though what she wanted to say was: hold onto me, open up to me, be honest with me. She ran the back of her hand carelessly over her face, trying to discard already fallen tears and pulled her arm away just as he let it go.

"I'm sorry," Jeff exclaimed, he didn't know what to do and it was terrifying. He'd seen her cry plenty of times before but this was completely different. He felt out of control and wanted to do anything in his power to make it stop but he had no clue what that was. "I said I was sorry."

"Yeah, that is what you said," Annie responded, the sound of her voice sounded so strange in her own ears, her breathing was starting to sound labored as the tears just wouldn't cease. Her emotions were jumping off a sky high diving board into a 30 ft pool of ice cold water. "It's been over a year since we kissed the last time, it happened again and you're sorry."

"Annie..."

"Not sorry for how it happened or why it happened. Just sorry that it did."

"Annie, please stop crying."

"Oh, I will Jeff." Annie assured him and she took a deep breath, she had to get herself under control for fear that she may start hyperventilating. "I will eventually. I'll stop crying. And I'll stop feeling so much for you and this won't happen anymore. You won't have to be sorry or tip toe around dealing with your own feelings or anything like that. We'll just be able to be normal. I can't wait for that."

Before he could even respond she had turned on her heels and walked straight out of the study room faster than he'd ever seen her walk before, wiping her face with annoyance all the way until she was out of his sight.

He started to go after her, he'd taken two steps before something he couldn't even name stopped him. To say that he felt horrible didn't even begin to describe his feelings. He felt deplorable. He felt less than he had in a really long time. He rubbed his tired eyes as his head began to pound. A strange ache spread throughout his chest and he felt like he needed to sit down. He was instantly hit in the face with exactly why he had known all along that they could never really work out. He was already making her cry and breaking her heart and they weren't even together.

But that didn't stop him from having this intrinsic desire to go find her and make sure she was okay and to explain some things and to hold her hand.

* * *

><p>Jeff's head hurt. The copious amounts of scotch he was consuming probably wasn't making it any better. He figured if he drank enough it would put him to sleep. But instead he was ruled with drunken thoughts instead of sober ones.<p>

It had been three days since the situation in the study room where Annie had left crying and he had been left standing there ashamed and remorseful. Those feelings had only been amplified and other more draining feelings emerged as the last 72 hours wore on. Annie hadn't come to school at all the day after that, which was completely unlike her. The others made comments about her not being in class and Jeff offered no excuse or reasoning or compensation for their worry, he silently stared off into space into they were done talking about it.

Jeff sat, his long limbs strewn out on his couch as he stared at his phone. He had contemplated calling her several times but knew that she didn't want to talk to him. He'd downgraded to the idea of texting her but hadn't quite allowed himself to compose the message. He wanted to say things to her but he wasn't sure if he could get them out and though he prided himself on being articulate, he feared that what he would say wouldn't make sense or that she would interpret it wrong and he would only hurt her more than he already had. And he couldn't stand the thought of that.

Jeff fingered the buttons on his phone lightly as he ran through what it was exactly he was going to say. How was he going to appeal to her kindness and make this whole situation less miserable? He felt vaguely certain that he wouldn't be able to do it through a text message. But it was a start.

Jeff: We need to talk...

He typed it out quickly, adding the ellipsis for good measure. He hit send before he could falter and try to take it back. The more drawn out this entire thing was the harder it became, like a strong virus steadily expanding to healthy cells.

Annie picked up her phone after she heard the buzz signalling an incoming text message. Her heart clenched and she nearly dropped the phone when she realized it was from Jeff. She read the message about three times before her fingers hovered over the keys to create a reply.

But what was she going to say? She knew they needed to talk, she actually felt horrible about the way she completely broke down in front of him in the study room. She had gone on and on about his selfishness and how manipulative it was for him to kiss her like that and when he had actually apologized, she had lost it. She felt both embarrassed and justified. As if she reacted completely incorrectly but still managed to get some important things off her chest.

That didn't change the fact that she needed time away from him though. If anything, their little blow up in the study room only further solidified how out of proportion this was becoming for her.

Annie: So talk.

Jeff's eyes adjusted to the light of the screen. He hadn't realized his eyes had closed during the time in which he sent the message to when she had responded to it. He read her response and lightly smirked to himself. He could actually hear her say it, in her voice, with an expectant and curious look on her face. But this was too important to do through text message. Meanings get lost, words are merely read and then they lose their weight. Context is everything.

Jeff: In person. It has to be in person.

Jeff realized after sending it that he wasn't necessarily in the best shape to have a serious conversation with her at the moment. He'd been drinking way too much and it was really late. He didn't entirely trust himself to go about it the way that he planned. The last thing this whole thing needed to be was more complicated.

Annie: No.

It had been difficult for her to type it, let alone to send it. She did want to see him and she did want to talk to him, but she knew way down deep after their last two encounters it wouldn't do anything to strengthen her resolve or help her get over him. This was all making it worse. He was making it worse and whether or not he was doing it on purpose was extraneous. She just couldn't handle it.

Jeff stared at her message for a good 5 minutes, though it seemed longer because of the alcohol. Her blatant refusal stung him and he grappled with what he could even say in response to it. His need to see her was only heightened by her disagreeance.

Jeff: Please.

Annie nearly threw her phone across her apartment, but at the last minute settled for just turning the screen face down and staring at the back of the phone as if it was going to bite her. She felt a foreign sense of desperation as she repeated that word over and over again in her head.

Please. Please. Please.

She wasn't sure she was strong enough to endure this. She started to reach for her phone at least three times but stopped herself. She had to quit reacting like this to him. He wasn't even in the room and she was ready to drop her own reasoning for this whole "taking-a-break" thing as soon as he said the word. She had to stop giving in to him. Especially when she was almost certain that he wasn't going to shed any more light or induce any form of clarity about his own feelings for her. She was certain that they were going to continue to go around and around in this ridiculous cycle and she just couldn't anymore.

So she didn't respond and he didn't either.


	3. Chapter 3

Annie couldn't concentrate. For many different reasons, she just couldn't compel herself to finish the last bit of homework that she needed to get done. Her thoughts were ruling her once again and she was finding it difficult to focus. She absentmindedly wondered how some would rank certain negative emotions on a scale of only-if-necessary to hell-no-never. She would personally much prefer regret to anxiety. She would 9 times out of 10 take anger over confusion. In that particular moment she would much rather be experiencing fear rather than the seemingly mind-numbing doubt that was creeping into her subconscious and causing her to second guess and rethink her actions.

It had been two days since the unexpected late night text from Jeff. After her staunch refusal, the following two days had been difficult. It was as if she had flipped a switch in him. It was as if he was taking a page out of her own book, or just giving her one of the things she had asked for, depending on how you look at it.

He wasn't talking to her. He wasn't even looking at her. It was as if she didn't exist to him, and while she completely understood why he was acting that way, part of her hurt deeply at the realization.

After all, he had reached out to her, twice as a matter a fact, and she hadn't been willing to hear what he had to say either times. It could have been important, or poignant or decisive. But was that just her naive, fanatical hope talking? Was she giving him too much credit? Or who knows, maybe she wasn't giving him enough. Maybe she was going about this entire thing the wrong way. Yes, she did firmly believe that he owed her some form of clarification or an explanation but maybe she was going about acquiring it the incorrect way. Jeff was a tricky, enigmatic being. Just because he wasn't admitting to the same feelings that she harbored so intensely, did not necessarily mean he was void of feeling anything substantial for her. Should she really hold their friendship hostage because he wouldn't (or couldn't, though that's debatable) express whatever it was he felt, the way that she wanted him to? Was she wrong, selfish, misguided, TOO hopeful?

No. She didn't fully believe that she was wrong for wanting even a small semblance of honesty, but she did feel a bit of unease regarding the way everything unfolded. Especially with how emotionally unraveled she had become in the middle of the study room when he had apologized. Replaying that moment over and over in her head made a sensation of regret form in the pit of her stomach. They were going to have to talk eventually and hopefully he wasn't entirely over the situation and her subsequent avoidance of him. Maybe she needed to try a different method.

Doubt was a tricky, dangerous thing. And it currently had Annie snugly by the throat.

* * *

><p>Jeff couldn't be sure whether or not he was doing the right thing. But that subtle bit of uncertainty that was creeping up from his stomach to expand across his chest, paled in comparison to the agonizing frustration and exasperation that he currently felt reverberating throughout his entire body.<p>

He'd been sitting in his car in the parking lot in front of her apartment for 15 entire minutes thinking about what he was going to say. It wasn't like him to think through things beforehand with any sort of preparation. He was more of an on-the-spot type of individual. Things just usually came to him in waves and he managed to deliver them verbally with a certain type of impact. But for some reason, for the past 15 minutes he had been sitting in his car trying to distinguish what he should say to her once he finally got over this silly little bout of avoidance.

A tiny part of him wanted to be rational and even felt sorry. But that part was slowly diminishing as the minutes wore on. They should have had this conversation days ago. When his apologetic, regretful quota had been so much bigger. His feelings had somehow shifted into a more troublesome, darker, unrelenting type of territory. Now he was more pissed than anything else. He could feel his irritation radiating through him, it made him more exhausted than he already was. Sleep was still being elusive. Though now he realized what exactly was causing his lack of slumber. He'd had an idea of why but hadn't really wanted to admit it head on. He still didn't want to. Which was one of the reasons he was so mad. He didn't like being made to feel a certain way. He didn't like feeling manipulated. Or like he didn't have the upper hand. Or like he was slowly crumbling from lack of control. It was all so unnerving. He hated it. It had to end.

So while he should have probably been constructing something that resembled an apology, he kept coming back to things that were on the other side of the spectrum. Things that would probably require even more apologies in the future. He couldn't think straight. It was maddening. He didn't want to hurt her. That's the last thing he wanted. That's why this entire thing was taking place. He wanted to protect her from him. At this point he was at war with himself. He didn't want to crush her but he didn't want to continue to feel helpless and maneuvered.

He felt certain that she must know how this was effecting him, how he was a mix of different things and how he couldn't manage to find the right words to set this thing right. He was certain that he shouldn't give in to her, no matter how much he wanted to. Their relationship was already an amassment of undefinable variables. He was aware of how unfair he was to her on occasion and acknowledging her effect on him, albeit unwillingly, was difficult and scary. He didn't know what else he could do. He didn't know what else he could give her besides an apology and the sincere concerted effort towards normalizing their friendship. He couldn't give her what she wanted. Not really. Not without absolutely wrecking her emotional well-being, and his, in the process.

* * *

><p>Annie sat straight up in her chair when she heard a knock at the door. She didn't move for about thirty seconds before she looked at the clock. She knew it was late. Way later than her creepy landlord ever knocked on her door to give her irrelevant pieces of information and she hadn't been expecting anyone. A second knock sounded after a moment, more forceful this time, louder.<p>

Annie rigidly stood, and shuffled quietly to the door, her arms glued to her sides. She could hear her heart pounding loudly in her ears, as she tentatively put her hands on the door and peered into the peephole. She wasn't aware that she'd been holding her breath until she heard it expel from her with a sound of relief as she saw who was on the other side of the door. She swung it open; half thankful, half annoyed.

"What the hell, Jeff?" Annie exclaimed as she swung open the door. "You scared me half to death."

Before he could respond and before she could continue, he had brushed quickly past her and into her apartment. Leaving her stunned and caught off guard at the empty hallway in front of her. The knowledge that he had just walked into her apartment without even addressing her was jarring, to say the least.

"Sure, come on in." Annie mumbled sarcastically, as she closed the door behind her. She turned to face him. He'd made a considerable descent into her apartment, he was across the common area, near the hall. There was substantial space between them. Annie studied him briefly, her mind turning quickly over what she should say. He most certainly looked uneasy, worried, and on edge. He was shifting his weight between his feet as if his body couldn't really hold all of his emotion or energy. She suddenly felt at a lose for words. She knew she should probably be demanding some sort of reasoning behind this unannounced visit but her mouth couldn't quite form it.

"How much longer are you going to do this?" Jeff asked in a controlled manner that was strange. Like he was gritting his teeth, trying to regulate some influx of perpetual discontent.

"What are you doing here, Jeff?" Annie questioned lowly, completely bypassing his question with one of her own. She was unnerved that despite the distance between them, she could feel his anxiety.

"How much longer are you going to do this to me?" Jeff repeated. His voice which was thick with blame, rose more than it should have.

"To you?" Annie questioned defensively. She heard the tone of her own voice perking up in retaliation. "What are you even talking about? I'm not doing anything to you!"

"Oh right. Besides punishing me? Besides trying to teach me a lesson? Besides whatever it is that you think this is going to accomplish. You completely aren't doing anything." Jeff replied harshly, he felt himself quickly losing any sort of control he had imaged having when he stood at her door.

"Punishing you?" Annie scoffed, folding her hands tightly in front of her, she felt her disbelief rising exponentially. "You're going to try to turn this around on me? Are you serious?"

"Well, why wouldn't I?" Jeff questioned, his eyes were direct and unwavering. "You aren't blameless. Take this entire thing, for example. I figured it out. You thought if you stayed away from the group long enough that I'd magically tell you what you want to hear."

"You are insane." Annie exclaimed, she felt a tightness in her chest that she willed to go away.

"Am I, Annie?" Jeff questioned almost tauntingly. "Am I really? You're going to stand there and tell me you weren't trying to manipulate me into a specific action or declaration."

Annie felt her hands start to tremble slightly. She was glad they were tucked underneath her arms and couldn't be seen. She paused and assessed what he had just said, trying her hardest to detach herself from the emotional crescendo flowing through her body.

"That's not what I was trying to do," Annie maintained firmly, she was momentarily proud that her voice hadn't cracked or wavered.

"Well I disagree," Jeff said smartly. "I think that's precisely what you were trying to do. If you made your absence felt deeply enough, you'd get what you want right?"

"No!" Annie countered, the sound and volume of her own voice surprising her. Her arms fell to her sides in frustration as she continued. "That's not what I'm doing."

"Well, that's sure as hell what it feels like to me!" Jeff countered, his body swayed gently as if he wanted to start pacing but decided against it.

"You are such asshole." Annie seethed. She was both disheartened and maddened in equal measure. Her earlier thoughts of doubt and uncertainty came flooding back to her and made her feel sick. This whole thing was only getting more convoluted. More difficult. She was only feeling more out of control.

Everything was horrendous. She couldn't even try to cry if she wanted to. Her tears wouldn't have surfaced. She was experiencing too many feelings all at once, they were compounded on top of one another, trying to escape, knocking into each other like a bull in a china shop. She couldn't breathe.

"Yes!" Jeff exclaimed loudly, throwing his hands up in a mix of frustration and relief. "I am an asshole. You've known this about me from the very beginning. I'm an asshole and you're driven and forgiving and generous and sweet and naive. We just aren't made from the same clothe, Annie. You've got to stop this. You aren't going to change me."

"I'm not trying to change you, Jeff." Annie replied lightly, the words that he had just used to describe her were swimming around in her brain, hearing them had oddly calmed her a little bit. She hadn't recalled ever being complimented in the midst of a huge argument. It didn't go unnoticed. "I'm just trying to understand you."

If Jeff could magically take back words, he would in that moment. For some strange reason all of her redeeming qualities had spilled from his mouth before he even realized he was saying them. He was so agitated, tired and discombobulated, he didn't even have control over his words. He suddenly felt it was most definitely a bad idea that he was even there, he silently thanked his lucky stars for the physical distance between them.

"You are the single most confusing person to ever exist, Jeff Winger." Annie admitted ruefully after she took a deep breath, clearly trying to calm her rattled nerves further. "And yes, maybe I hoped you would react a certain way to me taking a break from the group but I couldn't be sure they you would even blink an eye. You are extensively unpredictable at best, Jeff. Half the time you act like you don't care."

Jeff felt himself almost profess to always caring but kept his mouth shut. This must be a bad idea, it wasn't going at all the way that he had wanted. Though what had been the desired outcome? Her in tears? Her clawing his eyes out? Her declaring she never wanted to speak to him again? No, that wasn't it. He didn't want any of that.

"We've got to stop this, Annie." Jeff proclaimed gravely, his voice low and droning. He had meant to say that she had to stop this but somehow he unwittingly included himself as a guilty party. "It's not working."

"And yet, you're here." Annie pointed out rather thoughtfully. "So you came here to call me out and tell me we've got to stop? Stop something that hasn't even really started? Is that all?"

Jeff just stared at her from across the room and remained silent. He was drawing blanks in his head, he didn't have anymore ammunition to fight with. He didn't have anything to say that would further dissuade her. He felt weak, like he wanted to sit down. All of the adrenaline that had been coursing through his body had wrung him dry.

"I miss you," Jeff mumbled inadvertently, feeling his throat start to close as he realized what he had uttered. Annie froze in her tracks as she watched him react to his own words. In that moment she knew that the declaration had been genuine because of the instantaneous flash of regret that played on his face. Her heart clenched and it took everything in her to not encroach upon the distance that separated them.

It was so bizarre how when you really cared about someone, you could go from wanting to scream cruel things at them to wanting to jump their bones in one second flat. Zero to one hundred. The notion was staggering.

"Why won't you just give me a chance?" Annie asked directly, her eyebrows knitting together as she bit the inside of her mouth. The distant trace of a plea on her face was enough to make him dig his fingernails into his palms. The slight bit of fragility beneath that look almost made him double over.

"God Annie, I'd give you a hundred chances if I could." Jeff responded, realizing the emotional momentum was only increasing.

"And why can't you?" She questioned, filled to the brim with hope and expectations.

"I'm not the guy you're supposed to be with Annie," he proclaimed roughly, almost trying to overcompensate for his earlier slip up with his tone. "I'm just not. I won't ever be him."

"So that's it?" Annie asked, carelessly brushing a strand of hair from her face. It was with that movement that he realized the haphazardly way her hair was tied at the top of her head. It's overall lack of neatness was foreign and consuming. He wanted to take her hair down. He swallowed quickly and ignored that mental image before it burned a hole in his brain.

"Yeah," Jeff muttered tiredly. "That's it. You'll see. You'll meet someone who's much more suited for you and you'll forget about me."

"Oh, I see," she replied, being passively agreeable. "And what are you going to do when that happens?"

"What?" He managed, startled by the question and the prospect of having to answer it.

"You heard me," Annie countered, feeling a good bit of balance and calm suddenly restored. "What are you going to do when this imaginary guy who's so much better for me appears, huh?

Jeff had nothing. He once again, was coming up empty.

"Because we both know that you don't have the best record of grinning and bearing it when it comes to me and other men. And you wonder why I'm in a state of perpetual confusion. You give a good spiel but as soon as there's the possibility of someone else you get jealous and weird. But it isn't too obvious, it's just enough for me to keep playing the 'what if' game in my head."

"I'll work on that."

"Oh, screw you!" Annie proclaimed, a little bit of left over resentment came barreling into the apartment. "What you need to work on is being honest."

Jeff's eyes left hers momentarily. He needed to gather himself. The charged energy in the room was wearing him out. He was losing ground. He shouldn't have come here.

"Jeff," Annie began and just like that his eyes were back on her. "Do you have feelings for me? Real feelings. Feelings that are deeper than friendship, concern or brotherly protection."

"Yes." Again cognitive thought hadn't gone into the answer, his mouth just fell open with the word. He automatically tried to minimize the admittance. "But it doesn't matter..."

"Why would you say that?" Annie interrupted, she couldn't deal with the distance any longer as she lessened the huge amount of space in between them. "Why would you say that it doesn't matter?"

"Because it can't matter, Annie. It can't matter because it can't materialize into something. I can't afford that. Neither of us can afford that."

"God, it's just like you to do this, too." She observed out loud as she studied him, only a mere couple of feet in between the two of them. "You always do this. You say and do things and then you try to take it back, you try to deny it, you diminish the implication. You can't keep doing that Jeff. You have to take some responsibility for your emotional recklessness."

Jeff stood silent. Her words reaching out and physically grabbing him in a way that he wasn't really prepared for. She was right and he didn't have a response. Not one that would hold up in the situation, so he just stared at her. He focused on the blueness of her eyes, the few loose pieces of hair that had escaped the confines of her hair tie, even the slight rise of her shoulders as she breathed evenly. Her equanimity was provocative.

"It's not going to just go away." Annie reasoned, not needing to directly name the it she was referring to.

"I should go," Jeff responded, this entire thing was becoming increasingly overwhelming to him. He no longer felt equipped to even be having this conversation.

"No, you shouldn't." She responded lightly, her head tilting just barely as she assessed him. "But you know I'm right which is why you think that you should."

"Annie, I..."

"We can't just wish it away Jeff." Annie cut him off. "Because let's be honest, if we could, it'd be a non issue."

Their steady eye contact loomed and mixed in with the silence following her words. Jeff felt her get closer before it even happened. He wondered if there was any words he could say to undo this disaster that was quickly shaping itself. On the other hand he'd be lying to himself if he didn't admit that a huge part of him really wanted her, even if in the simplest way. Even if having her just meant her standing directly in front of him. Just enough so that he could feel her body heat.

Annie was on the fence. She felt certain that closing the remaining distance between them would act as some type of proof of everything that she had just brought to light. That by some physical act carried out by them, there would really be no escape from this expanding power between the two of them. However, his unpredictability frightened her. She was unsure as to whether her aching heart could take another denial, refusal or rejection. She didn't know how much more of herself there was left to put on the line.

But her heart wanted him and her head and her pride and her doubts were insufficient when matched against it.

Annie stepped forward before all her nerve left and brought her mouth to his in a simple yet demanding way. Jeff had seen the entire thing coming, he had anticipated her movement before she displayed it. The look in her eyes was enough to warn him of what was coming. To say that his mind went blank was an understatement, it had been lacking the proper ability to function throughout the latter part of their conversation. Now, with her mouth against his, it had turned to literal mush.

Before he could decipher up from down or right from left, their entanglement had only escalated. Her mouth was demanding and his was complying. Jeff's strong hands and arms were wrapped around her shoulders and back, anchoring her to him. They both couldn't breathe as their mouths battled each other for control of the kiss. It was a divine type of suffocation. If it was possible to physically melt into another person's body then that was taking place, no air could seep through between their clothed limbs.

Jeff could feel himself quickly losing a battle that he had fought so hard against and so with whatever residual restraint he had left, somewhere deep down inside, he managed to pull his mouth from hers and disconnect their bodies. He kept her at a literal arms distance as he grasped her shoulders firmly and applied gradual pressure when she tried to come closer.

Jeff's head dropped between his shoulders as he tried to collect himself, his breath and his thoughts. His heart was racing. They had to stop doing that, because each time it happened, it became too impetuous and dangerous and enthralling. He knew with almost absolute certainty that if what just happened continued to happen, he wouldn't be able to stop.

"No, we can't do that." Jeff muttered, as much to her as to himself. Trying to drive the point home. He had to put more distance between his body and hers. He had to put more distance between his feelings and hers. Between himself and her. Everything was colliding.

"Why? Why not?" Annie asked, sliding her hands along the undersides of his arms, which were still keeping her at a distance.

"Because I don't want to hurt you. I'll just hurt you."

"Why do you think you'll hurt me?" She questioned, eyes inquisitive and deep. Jeff let go of her shoulders and took a step back.

"Because I know myself. And because I know you. You'll just get hurt. I've already hurt you and we aren't even together. It just wouldn't work."

"How can you make proclamations like that when you won't even try?" Annie wondered aloud, her voice sounded wounded. As if she felt he didn't think she was worth going out on a ledge for.

"You and I just wouldn't work. Not because of you, but because of me. Generally, as a rule, I make a really bad boyfriend." Jeff admitted. He noticed her hair was even messier now, after their impassioned exchange. Need pulled deep within him, he closed his eyes briefly and pushed it away.

"You don't have to be my boyfriend." Annie responded rather thoughtfully, as if she had just thought of an option that she hadn't previously realized.

Jeff studied her uneasily, he had a strange feeling that he wasn't prepared for what was going to come out of her mouth next. What did she mean? That she actually didn't want a relationship? Was she letting him off the hook? Had she gathered some perspective about this?

"What?" Jeff questioned, he wanted her to both expand upon her sentence and just leave it at that, all at the same time.

"There's other options." Annie offered, her voice sounded highly suggestive. "More adult options."

"Stop, don't say that." Jeff interjected, instantly weakened by the insinuation.

"Why?" She frowned, her previous boldness melting away, making way for her confusion. "Why shouldn't I say that? I'm an adult, Jeff. Not some little girl. I can have casual sex just like you can."

"No, Annie," He reasoned almost frantically. With men being the visual creatures they are, as soon as the subject of sex was brought up, he had to blink certain mental images away. "You and I are not going to have casual sex."

"Well, we both know you aren't opposed to the idea just on principle seeing as how you secretly slept with Britta for almost an entire year." Annie retorted, her voice thick with irritation. She felt certain that it was because of her lack of experience that he was denying her. As if he thought that she wouldn't actually know what to do if the opportunity presented itself.

"Annie, don't do that." Jeff instructed softly, as he took a breath. "Don't bring her into this. This has nothing to do with her. You and Britta are completely different."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She scoffed, the look on her face clearly displaying her mounting insecurities.

"Exactly what I said, you two are different."

"No what you're really saying is that Britta can handle having casual sex with you but you don't think that I can."

"That's not what I'm saying at all," He retorted, his frustration beginning to return. He didn't have the strength to keep fighting with her. "I'm the one who couldn't handle it. And is that what you think this is about? You think this entire thing is just about sleeping with you?"

"I have no clue what any of this is about!" She exclaimed, the impending emotion in her voice was clear. "But that probably doesn't surprise you, because I'm starting to think that you don't know what it's about either."

"Alright I don't want to fight anymore," Jeff offered as he put his hand on her arm reassuringly, he wasn't sure if he should have reached out to her or not but that only occurred to him as an afterthought.

Annie searched his face and realized she didn't want to fight anymore either. She just didn't have the energy for it and as she looked at him she knew that he didn't. He looked more exhausted than he had when he first arrived. She momentarily felt the pull of his fatigue, almost like a sympathetic symptom.

"You're still not sleeping?" Annie asked gently, bringing her hand up briefly to touch the side of his face. His scruff brushed her fingers.

"No, what gave me away?" Jeff responded teasingly, his voice low in the back of his throat. He let a tired smile play on his face for a moment. Annie could feel her own eyes brighten.

"You just look about ready to fall over, is all." Annie replied.

"I've literally tried everything," Jeff explained as he tiredly rubbed his eyes. "Nothing seems to do the trick."

"Go sit down," Annie instructed softly, nodding towards her couch.

And because he had less steps to walk to the couch than he would have had to walk to his car, he did as he was told. He fell, rather ungracefully, into the couch and slid down into it, resting the crook of his neck against the back of it. His long legs spread out in front of him, as he watched her watching him. Annie stayed silently where she had been standing, thinking about many different things all at once. She wanted to turn her brain off just one time, just so she could experience some peace. Just too cease her incessantly over-analysing everything. To let things just be as they are.

Annie paused for another moment before walking over to the couch and taking a seat next to him. Her entire body was angled towards him though they weren't touching. She propped her elbow on the back of the couch, her hand resting underneath her head, her knees easily tucked against her body. She watched the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed deeply. She wondered how she could wonder so much about one person.

Jeff didn't say anything as they stared at each other. He tried to will his muscles and his brain to relax. If he could only rest for a moment, than that would be fine, but he desperately needed that moment. Annie's presence was eerily calming to him, but even still he felt this overwhelming need for her to be closer. He reached his arm over and draped it over her leg. The movement wasn't done to make a pass but more so as a verification of security. A need for warmth.

Annie realized this and eased herself closer to him, she gingerly rested her forehead on his shoulder. She took a deep, cleansing breath and his scent seemed to seep through her skin. Jeff's opposite arm reached around and secured her body to his. Her arms latched around his stomach and they sat there in complete silence, their breathing eventually synced as Annie listened to the distant thud of his heart.

After a few moments she would have bet money that he had fallen asleep without even having to look at his face. She could tell in his body that he was sleeping because he wasn't as tense. His grasp on her was still firm but his muscles were relaxed, his breathing was deep and slow.

Annie felt an unfamiliar sense of contentment. Not just because she was wrapped up in the arms of Jeff as he slept but because of everything that had taken place that night. No she hadn't necessary gotten what she had initially wanted. But he had admitted things, he had been truthful, she couldn't ignore that. She didn't want to.

Annie eased into sleep as her mind began to settle itself.

Annie felt herself being woken up a couple hours later, she kept hearing her name. When she opened her eyes, she saw that they were both in the same position they had fallen asleep in but he was awake and had been trying to wake her.

"I'm gonna go," Jeff whispered easily, slowly untangling their limbs."You should go get some sleep, it can't be comfortable sleeping like this."

"No, I'm fine." Annie reasoned. "Are you sure you don't want to stay?"

"Yeah, I'm sure." Jeff responded. He gave her a reassuring smile.

"You'll be okay to drive?" Annie asked, she knew how tired he had been.

"Yeah, I'm good. That's the best sleep I've had in awhile." Jeff admitted as he got to his feet.

Annie followed behind him as he meandered slowly to the door. He suddenly turned around before reaching for the door handle.

"When are you coming back?"

"Tomorrow," Annie replied. "I'll be back tomorrow."

Jeff nodded briefly, a look of relief flashing momentarily on his face.

"Lock your door, get some sleep."

She watched him walk down the hallway and out of her sight. She closed and locked her door then leaned against it, thinking about the night. She suddenly felt certain that they would both figure it out. They would somehow come to terms with this thing between them. Maybe not on her timetable and maybe not even on his, but eventually.

At this point there was really no way around it.


End file.
